Monday, September 22

One Question

I know I've been doing quite a bit of talking lately, but I don't really mind it, I hope it's okay with you. While watching an amazing TV show, one character asked a question in passing, and it sparked an enormous train of thought. How many angels can dance on the head of a pin? A seemingly simple and silly question, I know. But I love it. And I honestly want to know the answer. This is a religous thought, so if you don't agree, too bad, this is America. Someone used to call me an angel about a billion times a day, and I seriously hated him for it, because I knew that if I were an angel, then heaven wasn't as amazing as I was thinkin it was going to be. But, after deciding that I love my religion and I will never again doubt it, I realize that the word angel is just a shorter way of saying "Thank you, for some bizzare reason you popped up in my life right when I needed you, and you've saved me." Everyone's an angel. Especially those people that challenge us, make us cry, and break our hearts. Because if we endure someone telling us that they don't love us, then spilling our drink the next day isn't so bad. I don't know, I feel like I pride myself on my sight, but I'm just barely opening my eyes. Why can we smile when we cry, but not frown while we laugh? I try my very best to learn a lot by watching the people around me, how they live and respond to the problems they face. I'm always awe struck by those that rise above their problems and smile while they're doing it. I admire the brave, and those who have blind faith. I know that everyone is beautiful because of who they are, not what they are. Even though I feel like I'm always secondbest, behind the cute dimple cheeked girl from seminary class, I'm trying to be like the people I admire, and tell myself that it doesn't matter one bit. So, I guess all I'm getting at here is that I want to know how many angels can dance on the head of a pin.

Tuesday, September 16


Attributed to the little things in life.

And We're Walking

A lot of people say that life is like a rollercoaster, it has it's ups and downs, but you can't help throwing your hands in the air and laughing so hard you scream. I believe these people now. We go so fast through our lives that everything is a streaking blur, and we don't ever seem to stay in the same place for too long. When we find out that something we lost a long time ago was recently thrown away, it's a new sence of that loss, you're sad, but you have no idea why. And I guess the things we lose always have a way of getting back to us in the end, just not in the way we expect. I guess these are my scattered feelings right now... have you ever felt like you're trapped in your head? Like if you do say things, you might explode, but if you don't you'll blow up for sure? I feel like that a lot. So what do I do? Someone, anyone, answer please. The things I had have slipped through my fingers, and I need to find me.

Saturday, September 13

My Onesided Conversation

Okay, now I have a few things I'd like to tell you. I turned sixteen on friday, and I can safely say that the entire week was one of the best in my life. I was elected sophomore class Vice President, and I am so excited to be involved in my school, and have the opportunity to meet everyone in my grade. Highschool has been so much fun, I was terrified of going at first, but now I can't imagine not going, I'd miss too much! I started my new job at a photography studio downtown, I'm hoping that this will pay off, and will open doors for me. For my birthday, I got the the title and keys for my car, from my dearest friend. The key won't turn in the ignition yet, but I could still turn the wheel, push the gas pedal and make cool car noises, so I'm happy. It will be quite the task to bring that car back to life, but now that I'm working two jobs, I'm up to the challenge. I've discovered a love for Johnny Cash, and I admire teachers more than ever, I'm amazed with what they put with. My heart was recently crushed, but I'm hoping that I'll get over myself. But I've decided that I need to be strong, and say what I'm thinking, no matter what. I've found I have a talent for hair dressing, if I didn't want to be an astronaut, I would be a beautician. I'm going to learn how to play the violin, and I am going to sing, because someone told me that I can, and I love him enough to believe him. I'm going to start shooting film, to see if I have a true gift for photography, and use the dark room I've discovered at my school. I love it a lot. I have not been asked to the first dance of the year, I cannot even begin to tell you how depressed I am about that. But you know what? I'll be okay. I'll cross my fingers for next time, and maybe I'll have some hot babe ask me and sweep me off my feet and fall desperately and madly in love with me and marry me... but I'm mainly just hoping for a good friend to take me to a dance sometime : ) It is my mission in life to learn how to sing in Russian. I am going to meet Dominic Howard, because I think he's amazing. And, I am going to have an amazing highschool expirience, and nothing is going to get in the way of that. So, that's about it.

Monday, September 8

Beauty Killed the Beast

I don't know what to say, so for now I won't say anything.

Tuesday, September 2

"Words are only pieces of a shattered picture, and must be thread together by strings of thought."